22 Things I Knew at 22, and 23 Things I’m Still Working On

This post is dedicated to my Auntie Pat who loved everything I wrote. I love you, I miss you.

***

Tonight, while feeling a little bored and nostalgic, I flipped through the journal I’ve kept over the last year or so and I came across a real gem.

The entry is dated “Sometime around midnight on July 24th, 2014”. In other words, I wrote it on my birthday, and it is a list of “22 Things I’ve Learned in My 22 Years On This Planet”.
Here it is:

1. gratitude is everything
2. the best solution for something you don’t like is to get over it and move on
3. crying is good
4. vulnerability builds trust
5. people are generally nice, but weird
6. we are all a little gross
7. writing it down helps
8. friendships, or any relationship for that matter, take work
9. black and brown CAN go together
10. mom knows best
11. mom loves you most
12. you’ve got to have your love cup filled before you can fill someone else’s
13. eye contact is powerful
14. so is the word “please”
15. misguided loyalty only hurts the giver
16. trust, but don’t count on boys who aren’t yet men
17. using the phrase “yes, and…” will get people on your side
18. people generally love talking about themselves. ask.
19. a person should never feel ashamed of where they come from
20. hard work pays off
21. prayer soothes
22. life moves quickly

Today, almost a year later, I am still in complete agreement with every item listed above. Looking ahead at my 23rd year to come, I have decided to make a new list–a list of 23 things I’m still working on.
Here it is:

1. you will never be perfect
2. people will love you anyways
3. nothing is fair, but knowing that doesn’t make injustice any easier to handle
4. sometimes you have to be the one who reaches out first
5. sometimes you have to be the one who put their heart on the line first
6. love is worth the risk
7. never let yourself get burned by the same flame twice
8. hard work goes unnoticed sometimes. sometimes it doesn’t.
9. there is a time to relax and a time to hustle
10. if people seem sketchy, they probably are
11. there IS a limit to how many burritos a person should eat per week
12. riding the bus is not fun, but rather a necessary evil
13. there are a lot of sick people in the world. show them love when you can, in any way you can
14. never post to social media when you’re drunk…
15. …except for maybe twitter, because anything goes on twitter
16. your 20’s are filled with weddings. Get over it – someday it might be you
17. never spend more than a weekend in Vegas
18. never spend more than an hour in the Marina
19. attention to detail is an important part of being a professional
20. just like riding the bus, emails are a necessary evil
21. so are phone calls
22. mom loves you most
23. life moves pretty quickly

Why Accomplishing My Dreams Wasn’t the Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me

“Dream big”

It’s the ultimate cliché in a graduation speech. A meaningless greeting card sentiment. A guidance counselor’s mantra. It’s also the one thing I wish I had done before starting my career.

A little bit of background: I was raised in a small rural town in Southern Oregon by parents who (as far as I know) never considered going to college. As an only child, I was and am their pride and joy. From kindergarten on it was clear that school came naturally to me. I received high scores on standardized tests and got rave reviews in parent-teacher conferences. I was bright and precocious and meant for something more. There was never any doubt in my family’s mind – I would be The One Who Went to College.

That was my goal: go to college, get a job, and make some money. My whole life was centered on working towards that goal, especially the part about making money. I was fueled by a desire to have more, and that desire grew stronger when I watched my parents struggle financially. There were of course brief stints where I considered less traditional career paths–tiger training and movie stardom were always extremely appealing–but in the end it always came back to my practical goals: college, job, money. So I graduated high school, got a scholarship, went to college, and landed a job where I make some money (granted starting salaries are pretty much the worst but that’s a topic for another time). And that was it; I had accomplished my life goals.

Consider that. At just 22 I had accomplished everything (besides training tigers) that I had set out to do as a kid. Some would call that incredible. I call it a failure to dream big enough. And that, thankfully, is something I can remedy. Once I realized that I had reached a new chapter in life with no real direction or desire other than to stay afloat, I knew I had to make a change. I needed a new North Star, something bigger and better to strive for. I needed to dream again.

So where am I at now? Well, I’m reevaluating my dreams and setting new goals while practicing how to be an independent adult. I’m facing reality while turning one cheek to it. I’m researching life abroad while also learning how to set up a 401K. There are things that won’t change: I’ve still got bills to pay and career moves to make. I still hope to fall in love and have a family someday. The difference is I’m no longer letting those things solely dictate how I dream and plan my future. I’m choosing not to be as scared of travel, or someday quitting a 9-5 to pursue a passion. I’m making a point of writing down my new dreams, and voicing them out loud to my friends and family. In sum, I’m dreaming way, way bigger than I ever have before.

There’s no telling when I’ll act on these new dreams and goals but I can already tell that practicing being a “dreamer” is something that is changing my life. It’s making me think, wish, and hope in a way I didn’t previously. It makes me challenge myself and accept humility. As for my future, who knows? Maybe in 10 years I’ll write again, this time about my life training Bengal tigers.

***

This post was originally written for Owen Garrity’s blog.

Dedicated to Mark Lewis, Everyone’s Angel in the Room

If there is one thing I would like to tell the world about Mark Lewis, it was that he had presence. The second would be that he could make you feel loved with just a single word: hello.

I was first graced by Mark’s presence when I was in the 1st grade. Mark came and told a Halloween story at my elementary school. The experience is a foggy childhood memory but from what I can recall he told a fabulously spooky tale with his signature sound effects and incredible delivery. I had actually forgotten all about that story time session until he later told the same story as I sat in his class my junior year of college. The experience was so familiar I knew it had to be more than deja-vu. That’s when I pieced it together and realized he was the amazing storyteller from my childhood. Mark’s stories were just that powerful.

The first time I ever met Mark Lewis as an adult, he made me cry.

It was my first day in his class, J408 Presentations Workshop, and all he was asking me to do was stand and say my name. You see, I am not shy, nor did I think when I signed up for his class that I was even that scared of public speaking. But as my turn to stand and speak got closer and closer I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter, my heart rate quickening, and my skin beginning to turn red as it tends to do when I panic. With Mark’s encouragement I stood, said my bit, and sat back down. Tears welled in my eyes as I frantically thought to myself, “What the hell is wrong with me right now? This should not be so difficult!” My internal freak out was soon put to rest. Once the entire class had introduced themselves Mark looked around the table and said, at a slow and comforting pace, “That was probably more difficult than many of you expected. That’s okay, because this stuff is hard. The good news is that you can do it. And I believe in you.”

From that moment on Mark became one of the most inspirational and prolific professors I have ever had the chance to learn from. He taught me how to own my name. He taught me to ground myself. He taught me the power of a handshake. He did so much more than teach a public speaking course. He taught people how to be human, and how to make it count.

Mark had a way of seeing who people were, right down to their core. He could see past the “I’m fine” walls that people sometimes put up, and make you feel like it was okay to feel and be vocal about it. Mark taught kindness and compassion by example and he encouraged students to stand up for themselves, others, and what was right.

Mark also knew how to push people to the very edge of their capabilities without going over the edge. His coaching style was phenomenal; always inspiring vulnerability, humility, and passion for the work at hand. When you did something great, it was “right in the pocket”. When you celebrated your win it was met with a, “You go, girl.” He was an advocate for breathing deeply, and looking people in the eye. He was a light, a joy, and an unforgettable soul.

Mark. Thank you so much. I will never forget you.

“When in your life you feel clouds in your face
and you’re down in the dumps feeling blue like this case,
and it feels like manure is all over the place,
Think of this, said the Vegetable Lady,
The thing to remember when you’re feeling low is
Bad stuff, it’s going to happen.
But it helps you to grow.
So learn from it, thank it, and soon you will know you’ll be better from it.”

Things No One Told Me About the Real World

When I graduated college, people warned me that Adult Life was difficult. They warned that life after school came with stress and fear and excitement and loneliness all at the same time, kind of like a Taylor Swift song. However with two months of an internship and one full week as a full time employee now under my belt I can say with confidence that there are certain “real world” situations that no one could have prepared me for. These situations range from awkward to frustrating, sometimes even comical.

In no particular order, here are a few things that no one told me about the real world:

1. Insurance payments suck.
Shit, man. Even with benefits, this stuff is pricey.

2. You don’t get to hug your coworkers.
This probably seems obvious to many people, but I come from a family of Huggers, and avoiding physical contact with people I spend 8+ hours a day with has been a tough concept to grasp. To illustrate my point, when my manager gave me the news that I was being offered a full time position, my first response was to reach out and hug him. Thankfully the more sane/professionally trained parts of my brain stopped this from happening and my torso only sort of jerked in his general direction.

3.  Along with hugging, you should also refrain from telling overly-personal stories.
I may or may not have told a founder of an agency all about how my parents conceived via sperm donation. Good lord, I need a filter. Repeat after me: I will not say the word “sperm” in a professional setting. I will NOT say the word “sperm” in a professional setting.

BUT

4. Being “on your own” feels awesome.
Once you get over the fact that you really miss your friends and family, being in a brand new city to call your own is like drinking a cocktail made of confidence, adrenaline, and empowerment and dancing to “22” all at the same time.

 

Just being an adult at work.

A Gift From A Stranger

My entire life I have suffered from what my mother likes to refer to as the, “Day Before Freak Out”.

The day before I have anything big and important happening, I experience a huge, involuntary meltdown that usually involves lots of tears and overwhelming anxiety. It happened before the first day of school – every. damn. year. It would happen before I went to summer camp. It happened before I started a new job and it continues to happen every time I have a huge life change. I suppose my Day Before Freak Out is an indicator that change scares the shit out of me. Or perhaps it’s my way of purging emotions that I so rarely let show. Whatever the reason, it’s something I’ve learned to count on. It makes sense then that it would happen during my biggest step in life yet: moving 529 miles from my college town of Eugene, Oregon to San Francisco, California. This Day Before Freak Out however was a little different.

So it’s my first day full day in SF and my mom and I decide that we’re going to get me acclimated by testing out the bus system I will take to and from work. This turns out to be, of course, a huge fiasco. Not only was the first bus we get on the wrong one but once we finally got off the (correct) bus and started meandering around the San Francisco’s busy financial district, I was nearly hit by a gigantic truck. Really fun stuff.

My mother and I eventually made it to my work and, after giving her a quick tour of the office (yes, I brought my mom to work on my almost-first day), got on a bus back towards my place.

On the bus ride home we sat across from short, dark haired woman who smiled at us fondly. When I returned her smile she pointed from me to my mom and then back at me. She asked in broken English if my mother and I were sisters. We both smiled and my mother explained that we were mother and daughter. The woman’s warm smile got even wider as she complimented our matching green eyes. Then she began to tell us her story – how she has a sister who she doesn’t speak to, and how her mother whom she loved dearly had passed away. As she spoke of her mother she paused, tears welling up in her eyes. Sitting less than two feet away, I could physically feel her grief as I watched her remember her mother. A few heavy moments of silence passed, and she seemed to come back from whatever memory she was revisiting.

Towards the end of the bus ride the woman took a pen out of her bag, wrote her name –Lily– on the beautiful folded paper fan she had been carrying, and gave it to my mother. “Take this and remember me,” she said. My mother, who would normally feel uncomfortable taking such a precious gift from a complete stranger, took the fan and thanked her. It was a very special moment between two strangers.

As the bus slowed and she prepared to get off at her stop Lily turned and locked eyes with me. “Be good to your mommy,” she said, “Love her much.”

And as she stepped off the bus, I began to cry.

My NYC Experience

I went to New York City with 101 other advertising majors during the first week of May. It was incredible, and this post is long overdue.

The trip: 102 advertising majors head to NYC during Creative Week to visit agencies and scramble to navigate the subway system.

Where I went: I was fortunate enough to visit Wieden + Kennedy, Digiday, Code + Theory, PhD, BBMG, R/GA, and Ogilvy & Mather.

What I did: Rode the subway, found 99cent pizza slices at 3 am, taught New Yorkers about fancy west coast coffee orders, pissed off a lot of baristas, took notes, toured Brooklyn, lost my breath at the 9/11 memorial, wrote in my journal, drank overpriced cocktails, ate overpriced everything, went shopping in SoHo, danced in the subway, tweeted a lot (@uonyc2014), made friends, celebrated birthdays, took lots of photos, watched a man throw a real NY style fit, geeked out, went to a comedy club, watched the NFL draft at a sports bar, bought a cd from a guy on the street, tasted gourmet salt, and soaked in every moment I could.

The Takeaways:
I wouldn’t ever be happy living in New York past the age of 27. Or somewhere around then. I have no problem saying that the city is too crowded, smelly, and rushed for my native Oregonian tastes. And that is okay.

Some agencies are so well designed and expertly decorated they make you want to live there. Seriously. If I could just make a little nest to sleep in somewhere within the old school library walls of Code +Theory that would be greeeeat.

Brooklyn doesn’t sleep. The city, not my roommate. It’s also kind of like Portland, which is awesome except people try to sell you their “demo cds” (it could be blank for all I know) on the street corners.

The food selection in New York City is UNREAL. I came back feeling so awful yet my tastebuds were happy for days after.

Huge thanks to: Deb Morrison, Dave Koranda, Chris Chavez, Senyo Ofori-Parku, Tim Gleason, Scott Bedbury, and all those at the agencies we visited.

Some photos:

 

Inside Code +Theory

Some nice guy offered to show our cohort the ins and outs of Grand Central

Visiting the 9/11 memorial was a day well spent.

The Highline was a welcome taste of nature.

I poured my heart out for a project and it was awesome.

I am incredibly excited about my latest piece of work, a project I worked on with the help of two of my peers, Austin Powe and Ben Kraft.

Working on a project that involved the Donor Sibling Registry was incredibly meaningful for me because a few years ago my parents told me that I am a donor conceived person. That clunky term basically means that 20-something years ago my parents chose sperm from a catalog, bought it, and used it to create me . While my life doesn’t exactly resemble the plotline of the  movie Delivery Man, there are definitely some similarities.
The truth about my origin still doesn’t feel real to me, especially the knowledge that I have half siblings somewhere out there in the world but no concrete way of finding them. That, however is a post for a whole other time.

My life changing You-Mean-I-Was-Made-Thanks-To-Modern-Medicine-Rather-Than-Good-Old-Fashion-Sex?! moment was what inspired our project. When the guys and I sat down and brainstormed what we wanted to work on, neither one had any idea what the Donor Sibling Registry was and were unfamiliar with how donor conception works. Once they learned more about the process and how many people like me are out there and don’t know their biological siblings, we all decided that this was the direction for our project.

One of the first stages was writing what would become the script for our video. Helping write the script felt less like a job and more like a diary entry. I began to write and before I knew it I was typing out thoughts regarding my donor conception that I’ve never said aloud. Later, when it came time to record the VoiceOver, I finally had the chance. In many ways working on this project was a form of catharthis.

Once we posted the work I was incredibly relieved by the positive response we received from the donor-conceived community, specifically on the Donor Sibling Registry Facebook page. Getting the approval of other donor-conceived people was never an explicit goal of ours but their encouragement, in my opinion, is our greatest measurement of success.

Thought of the day

“Best practices” don’t leave a lot of room to learn from failure.

Spring Break Networking in San Francisco

This past week myself and four of my fellow ad major friends took a trip to San Francisco to visit agencies, see the city, and network like crazy. In just three days we were able to visit eight full service agencies. We met CEO’s, Creative Directors, Account and Project Managers, HR people, and all sorts of creatives. Everyone was gracious and happy to sit down and talk with us about their home agencies, the ad industry in SF, and the ever-present question on every college student’s mind: how to get hired after graduation.

My biggest takeaways from the trip:

• Don’t Burn Bridges
  “This industry is incestuous, and the San Francisco ad community is smaller than you think”
  -Everyone at every agency we went to
  We heard over and over that burning bridges is the #1 no-no in the industry. Although it may seem like common sense I took it as an important reminder that although turnover at ad agencies is high, it is vital to maintain good relationships and treat everyone with respect. You never know who you’ll be working with next.
• Be Persistent
  No one is going to fight for your place at an agency but you, so do it! Mental note: read the book “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg.
• Be Real
  Hiring at agencies, especially for non-creatives, usually comes down to a “chemistry check”. Chemistry checks are when an account team or hiring manager goes out  (usually over drinks) with a potential new hire. The purpose isn’t to talk business; quite the opposite, actually. These chemistry checks are a chance to connect on a personal level before deciding if the person would be a good fit at the agency.
• Don’t tell a story, tell YOUR story
  Differentiating myself when applying for a job is often the biggest (and scariest) hurdle I face. However I had my own little epiphany while doing a one-on-one informational interview with an Account Director. He and I were discussing personal branding, and I was expressing my frustration at how vague the term can seem. After all, how does one even begin branding herself? Does it mean that I need to have a ton of cool hobbies? Does it mean I have to have The Most Gorgeous Resume The World Has Ever Seen? I realized no, not in my case. While hobbies and crisp application materials are important, that’s not where my differentiating factors lie. What makes me different is my story, and how that story has shaped my opinions and work ethic. Once I realized this nugget of truth branding myself didn’t seem so daunting anymore. My advice: grab ahold of what makes you different, whatever it may be, and tell that story.
• Take Initiative
  This goes hand-in-hand with my point about being persistent. Everyone at the agencies we met with expressed how impressed they were with our initiative. The fact that a group of students not only gave up half their spring break, but also organized an entire networking trip without major help from a professor blew their minds. The money, time, planning, and bravery that went into our trip didn’t go unnoticed.

Want to read more on our San Fran experience?  Check out our tweets by searching #UOSF2014

 

Understanding Millennial Bragging Culture & Using it to Build Brand Awareness

Disclaimer: As a Millennial I do not plan on using this post to bash and or write gross generalizations about my generation. I plan to discuss cultural trends I am familiar with and how a brand can use them to its advantage.

Bragging culture is not merely a millennial trend – it’s a human trend. However Millennials have an advantage when it comes to self-promotion: the Internet.

We’ve got selfies to show off our pretty young faces and Instagram and SnapChat filters to enhance what we don’t find pretty. We’ve got countless Facebook albums and tweets to show off what we’re seeing/buying/eating/thinking at every second of every day. And we like it.

Smart brands are seeing this trend and giving it thought. Smart brands realize that this isn’t just surface narcissism, but a real trend in the way Millennials relate to themselves and the world around them. That trend is being able to show off or “brag” about your user experience.

Tara DeMarco said it best in her post:

“47% of Millennials want brands to provide inspiration for things to do, make, or buy…Millennials are always on the lookout for new experiences. In fact, they’d rather spend money on experiences than on goods. Brands who provide and inspire new activities therefore become a more important part of Millennials’ lives. Your brand is no longer simply your products – it’s every interaction people have with you, and smart brands are making these interactions more frequent, interesting and brag-worthy.”

And she’s right. In addition to validation, my generation is looking to get something more than just a product. The Internet has given us almost too many options, and we easily lose interest if a brand isn’t offering something we see as “real” or “noteworthy”.

So how does a brand get users to brag for them? There are multiple ways. Being brag-worthy could mean offering users a once in a lifetime experience, whether it be remotely or in person. It could mean promoting consumers; helping make them a little more famous than they were the day before. It means being innovative but just trendy enough that you don’t lose your audience.

One of the best examples that I’ve experienced of a brand being brag-worthy is when Victoria’s Secret came to my college campus. They took over the amphitheater in the middle of campus with their giant pink and white balloon arch, pop up shop, and photo booth props. Girls. Went. Ape.

The event created multiple opportunities for us female students to brag on behalf of Victoria’s Secret. First and foremost, the event was a surprise, which meant that the moment the truck pulled into campus tweets were flying. Everyone wants to be the first to release information. Second, the event had a lot going on. There were giveaways, chances to take and post photos, not to mention the ability to buy limited edition yoga pants without leaving campus.

Victoria’s Secret did it right. Obviously they’ve got a huge team and a large budget to work with but that doesn’t mean smaller brands can’t recreate the same sort of user experience that allows for bragging opportunities.

So, I leave you with this takeaway: if you want Millennials to brag about you, you must put in the resources to be brag-worthy. It takes planning, insight, and some money but the return on your brand’s investment in user experience will be well worth it.